He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
