two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
