Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
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