Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
