Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
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You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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