Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
