the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
