3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I fill condoms, not promises.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
