He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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