So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
