He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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