Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
