Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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