The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
