Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
