your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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