On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
pray to the hookup gods
Randomize
