i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
