he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
