There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
