Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
