if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
