Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
