wakey wakey hands off snakey
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
