My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
