If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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