True but thats because hes a fetus.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
