I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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