3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just saw a hot homeless man
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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