I've blown a few things in my day
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
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Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
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Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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