i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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