Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
