kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
