Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
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Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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