im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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