I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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