You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
