I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
