Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
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