I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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