We're facebook friends in real life
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Two words: blizzard sex
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Randomize
