I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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