So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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