I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
