...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
