I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just want nice things and good sex
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
