just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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