I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You made out with two different species that night
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
