I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
