Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
