That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
