Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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