the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
im six kinds of drunk right now
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
