plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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