theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
The power of my boobs compel you
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
