Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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