Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
