I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
