I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
