just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
