Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
