Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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