Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
