So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
