i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
