The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
