dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
