I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
