I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
