His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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