i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
