I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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