Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
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