He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize