your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
