The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
