lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
and you fell through a lawn chair
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
