"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
