haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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