Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
