I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
