i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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