arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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