he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
