The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
True strength comes from lack of pants
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
