So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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