he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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