I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
