I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
