My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
