Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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