Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
