The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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