you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
