Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
