he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
